trust your own inner knowing

keynote templete.002Looking back over the years, I take responsibility for the consequences of my own actions, and I apologize to my children, my sister, to all my family and friends whom I’ve affected negatively because I was naive and unaware in my adult youth. I made some bad choices.

I know a lot of people think that life’s instructions are in some book, or in some religion or system of beliefs, or in some contemporary prophet, but I think it’s much simpler than all that. I think we’re here to learn to love, and I think our mistakes are sometimes our best teachers.

Regarding ACMTC, at the start I knew in my heart that things weren’t right in there, but within short time the voices of Lila, Steve and Jim over-powered my voice, and then my mind. I didn’t stay true to my own inner knowing. I’d been drilled to not trust it. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding (Prov. 3:5)”— and of course, trusting in the Lord meant trusting in his best friend, co-commander of his army, and end day prophet.

You may not find it in the Bible,” Jim said, “but we hear directly from god, and if god says it, we know that it’s true. God’s word isn’t dead. He speaks to his people today as he did through his prophets and his apostles in Bible times.”

From the time Lila declared me “judged” by god, to the time my husband kicked me out of the house, to the time Jim excommunicated me to the street, I was fully convinced that something was inherently wrong with me, and that I was “forsaken by god.” I still had a lot of questions, but my questions were always what got me into trouble, so I rebuked them, I hushed them. This was my only chance, my last chance, to get right with god.

I felt like I’d been given the wrong role to play in the whole grand scheme of things. I didn’t want to be a Judas. In my heart I was not a Judas. I did not feel evil. I only wanted to love and to be loved.

But they said I was guilty of spiritual adultery, of rebellion, and that I loved my children more than I loved god.

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discovery id

A clip-it from an email I received from British film producer Russell Eatough, producer of upcoming docudrama regarding my experiences with ACMTC.

Hi Maura,

Russell here. Hope you are keeping well. It seems an aeon ago that we were chatting in that industrial unit outside Sacramento. You’ll be glad to hear that Discovery ID has finally decided on a US transmission date for your film.

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Wednesday May 6th 

I’m very pleased with the film – it is powerful and emotional – and that is down to you. So thanks once again.

best regards
Russell

an open mind

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something I came upon

I just happened upon this the other day: (https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120506124159AAJHDQW):

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only love can drive out hate

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love is a better teacher

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it’s been awhile

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It’s been awhile. I’m back. I’ve been practicing being present, in the here and now, having a lot of fun, and establishing new habits for a healthier new year. Oh, and I finally finished my

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about me page.

going through old posts

Going through old drafts or posts I wrote when I began blogging, I remember the anger I felt. I’d had it with the Greens and their damned ACMTC. But at some point in my journey this year, I choose to eliminate anger, and I deleted the posts that were the biggest offenders.

Now I wish I hadn’t. Anger is a part of our journey, along with the letting go of it. It’s a negative emotion, unhealthy after a while, but the reality is that we all live inside a meat suit that physiologically responds (fight or flight) when affronted, so let’s stop apologizing for it.

ONE OF MY OLD POSTS (Fall 2012) I DELETED:

UnknownI am angry. I can feel my blood pressure rise and my heart pound with an occasional missed beat. Why do I let this darkness inside my mind?

Lila Green, AKA “General” Deborah Green, self-proclaimed “General” of Aggressive Christianity Missions Training Corps, or ACMTC, AKA FLM, AKA “Shim Ra Na Holy Tribal Nation” is a delusional lady, and she and her husband, “General” James Green and the ex have been inside their dark bubble cursing me and my family and anyone else who questions their authority for almost 30 years.

She claims a special “in” with god, calling herself “God’s prophet.” She has one-on-one conversations with him. All the time. He tells her all his secrets, tells her who’s doing what and if there’s any “sin in the camp”— if someone’s doubting, rebelling, coveting, lusting or masturbating or something like that. God even tells her what’s inside people’s hearts. Oh, and of course, she’s also the “General” of “God’s Army,” she and her husband Jim. She’s a two in one deal.  She gets orders straight from god, and then she and Jim pass them down the chain of command to their soldiers. Nifty. 

AND SHE CALLS ME A NARCISSIST?

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clinging

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Freedom of Mind: book

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Another great book by Steven HassanAvailable through Amazon Prime:

Screen Shot 2014-12-12 at 11.24.07 AMJust now purchased this on my kindle (along with a lot of other books). If it’s anything like another book of Hassan’s I’ve read, Releasing the Bonds, then it’s going to be great. I’ll give you some snap shots along the way.