thankful… .

Thankful to be free of past mindsets, other people’s mindsets. Thankful to be free from needing others to show and tell me the way. Thankful to have been loosed so I can think and discern life for myself. No more crutches. It’s a friendlier, happier world now. Quoting an old hippie friend of mine, Graywolf (>40 years off the grid), “we go about learning who we are in life by first learning who we are not.”


Story of a happy, awakened life… .

Pause if you miss reading the subtitles. I wish I understood living like this when I was young. Today I get it, but I didn’t back then, my perception of the world adopted from others. This is a wonderful clip of a happy, awake life, receiving the optimum of love and joy.

If you corrent your mind… .

If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place. -Lao Tzu

Confessions of a boy growing up in ACMTC – Factnet Forum

Here’s one hell of a story written by a young man named Zechariah who grew up in ACMTC. His mother Angelina is free now, after 20 years of oppression by the Greens, and she’s creating a wonderful life for herself. Recently she graduated with a bachelor’s degree, and her goals are wrapped around helping people. She’ll be sharing her story with me on the next documentary, produced by raw television in the UK for the Investigative Discovery Channel, Dangerous Persuasions.

Zechariah’s story:

Confessions of a boy growing up in ACMTC – Factnet Forum.

a word from Lisa, the 3′rd woman ousted into the shed… .

Today I had a delightful 3 hour phone conversation with Lisa, the third woman to be excommunicated into the shed on ACMTC’s compound in winter of 1987. She was my closest friend in there, and when I was finally kicked out, I think she helped me more than anybody else to understand what I’d come out of. We’d stay up until all hours of the morning talking, brain storming thoughts what had just happened, and what’s going on behind the doors of ACMTC. We knew it was dark. It was an amazingly time of new awareness for us, and it bonded us forever. I feel so close to this woman I haven’t seen in 25 years.

Lisa holds a master’s degree in education, and she’s created a lovely life for herself where she’s making a big difference in other people’s lives.

Lisa and Abe had just come home from spending two years in the Philippines when Lila Green prophesied judgment on her. They weren’t there when shit first hit the fan, before god’s judgment came to camp. Below, with Lisa’s permission to publish, is an email she sent me yesterday, before talking with her today for the first time in about 25 years. Such an amazing joy to reconnect with this strong and beautiful woman.

Lila’s systematic and methodical approach to separating mothers from their children and husbands was so vile and sinister, her goal to create individuals with no sense of self, value or a knowing that they were loved by mothers, helped to further her goal of control and blind devotion. I feel so grateful because my daughter was so young and her memories of that time are rooted in our life in the jungle and a world of the natural indigenous way of being. In harmony with all life and respectful of the tribe and community.  It is this experience in the jungle that strengthened and propelled me to leave that shed. I had been living in the natural world for two years, in balance with all creation and within three days my soul knew that what was occurring at the ministry was not of God. I had to escape. Alas my husband who had shared a life of amazing grace and had witnessed miracles with me in the Islands was lost to oppression, fear and unnatural mind control. It was devastating. Today I struggle from time to time with the loss:but I have overcome so many hurdles, racially, professionally, financially,emotionally and spiritually that it is frightening for me to consider revisiting that past. I have dedicated my life to serving marginalized communities of women and children regarding health access, so obviously I am committed to assisting the vulnerable from harmful influences and oppression. I just wish to stay personally safe in the process.”    

                                                                Lisa,  former ACMTC member


Let’s not turn our heads… .


About Me update

And so here I aspire to share–from the viewpoint of my own crazy and broken life–little pieces of the story of a journey that begins in ignorance, plunges to “follow the leader,” is subdued by oppression and deception where everything is painted in black and white, but finally learns to let go and in doing so discovers a delightfully wide open space in the awakening of the way things are in a life with liberty and a continuum of gray.

Our DNA, our family, our friends, where we live, our culture, our education, our work, our beliefs, all our unique quirks and experiences–everything about us, even down to what we eat, what we think, what we read, what we say, what we intend—create who we are and lends to our unique perspective of life.

Our hope is in the awakening, in the transformation that occurs when we open the door of our hearts, and we choose to see, to look around, to see what’s on the other side, to look outside our boxes, and to look deeply within ourselves, and then to be honest with what we see—without self denigration and judgment. Kindness is worth far more in the treasure of truth than being a bully ever will.

And then embrace change. I’ve learned to acknowledge my errors of yesterday without beating myself up. What good can possibly come from beating ourselves up? From shame? It changes nothing. I unequivocally believe that shaming is abusive, because it’s something put on us, either by ourselves or by someone else. It’s unhealthy.

Guilt can be appropriate, if it comes from within, if it’s not shoved down our throats, if we’re not made to feel guilty by someone who lords it over us. For years I lost my consciousness  to mind control, so I understand unheathy guilt. Healthy guilt is the kind we experience when we can see our own wrong doing, thinking, harmful habits or what-have-you, and it motivates us from within to do the work of change. Life is all about learning and growing up. Who’s right all the time? No one. Let’s evaluate our guilt in the light of where it comes from and how it makes us feel, and if it comes from within, then let it motivate us to change.

Shame on the other hand paralyzes; it says “you’re not good enough.”

MY BIG ASPIRATION: to spread awareness of cults and mind control. To educate. To help people on the outside of mind control to see their way in, to understand it, and to help people on the inside to see their way out, to open doors. I advocate open-mindedness. I advocate reasoning. I advocate embracing change for the betterment of all. I advocate love as the answer to all things, and I believe that we can’t fully love others until we first learn to love ourselves.


Isolation and disconnection

“Many cults expressly forbid its members from being in contact with friends and family outside the fold. The most widely-known example is the Church of Scientology’s Disconnection Policy where members are forced to sever ties with anyone the church deems antagonistic or an enemy.  This is enforced to reduce the threat of its members encountering dissenting opinions against their faith and the organization.

WCG (Worldwide Church of God) had similar policies during the height of its power. Church members who left the fold were seen as “doomed to the Lake of Fire” for “knowing the truth but rejecting it.” Ex-members were seen as irredeemable and therefore their friends and family in the church were instructed to shun them.

PCG (Philadelphia Church of God) has an active “no contact” policy, where any friends, family members and especially those in other COG cults are seen as interlopers and bad influences. The followers of Gerald Flurry are infamous for falling silent after joining PCG and often are not heard from again for years.

This is a sword that cuts two ways, as PCG’s intolerance of “Satanic influences,” meaning outsiders, often leads to witch hunts against perceived dissenters.

These policies cause cults to remain small, isolated and intolerant communities with members disconnected from their external support networks.”

Persecution and Isolation

 The Persecution complex

The ICSA (International Cult Studies Association) outlines ways to identify and characterize a cult, and speaks at length about isolationism and its effects on members.

Many cults have instilled an active persecution complex in the minds of their members. They have been trained to believe the world hates, fears and misunderstands them. This often results in cults isolating themselves from the outside world. The leader cultivates, and the cult maintains, a sense of “outside” persecution.

Herbert W. Armstrong taught WCG would be persecuted, and even set dates for when that persecution would begin relating to his 1975 apocalyptic predictions. Armstrong and his acolytes kept Chruch of God members frightened and constantly looking toward an impending crackdown on their church, similar to the massacre in Waco, Texas in 1993 when their spiritual cousins the Branch Davidians were besieged by federal agents.

Incidents such as these and the constant drumbeat that “secular, godless liberals” are destroying society creates a cohesion of fear where members band together and tend to socialize internally to the exclusion of the outside world. Members are taught to believe everything that happens in the world they disagree with is an affront to their beliefs and values, and thus a direct threat to their community.

This also takes the form of “mean world syndrome,” a term coined by communications professor George Gerber to describe the ways people believe the world is more dangerous than it actually is, based on mass media portrayals. Cults tend to feed upon this phenomenon by convincing their members the world is a harsh and dangerous place that will erode their values. People outside the cult are viewed as “sinners,” bad influences who will drag them down and threaten their salvation or enlightenment.

This paranoia only fuels cult isolationism.”

from Silenced. Cult Spotting

Divorces and name changes in 1987

IMG_5172I found this in old files today, information gathered in the late 1980′s. Lila proph·e·sied judgment over me in January of ’87.God’s bringing us into a new dispensation,” she said. “God’s judgment is here, and judgment begins in the house of the Lord .”  

So as they were getting rid of me, they were getting rid of other wives, too, wifes like me who didn’t measure up for God’s army. We questioned. We let our armour down. We listened to the devil, to demons, to the voices in our heads. We leaned on the side of our own understanding. “Unfaithful women. Backsliders. Whores. Witches.” 

After 3 of us women were ostracized to the shed and given the names of Forsaken, Barren and Despised, the insiders began changing their names, too. Lila became Deborah. Steve became Philip. Before my lawsuit, a few members legally changed their names, but after I sued they retreated further and further away from “the world” which they believe is evil. “Satan is the god of this world!”

They live with no identity trail, no paper trail, no financial trail. They claim to have taken a “vow of poverty.” They deal with cash only. Men with dependents who’ve been coerced by the Greens to “forsake their children for God,” let driver’s licenses expire so they can’t be traced to pay child support. They operate a business selling bread without a licence, without a health permit, and former members claim that sometimes their bread contains food pulled out of dumpsters. 

No paper trail, no financial trail. When they trashed their property in Sacramento and moved to Oregon, a member’s father hid the Green’s personal property under his name. When they fled rural Oregon, unwelcomed by the community there, they purchased  land in remote Fence Lake New Mexico using $500,000 in money orders.

Hiding assets—that’s “how” my California judgment crossed into New Mexico. Statue of limitations is the issue. My N.M. suit has nothing to do with what they did or didn’t do in California, it has to do with them ignoring the judgment, going from state to state hiding assets—in which case the statue of limitaions may be determined null.