follow the leader

“There have always been those ‘true believers,’ possessing fanatical faiths, incredible dedication, who have been willing to yield their identity to a group and sacrifice their lives for a holy cause. Convinced that they are in possession of some irresistible power and are the sole repositories of ‘the truth,’ zealots of both political and religious causes have time and again engaged in the transcendental game of  follow the leader.” 

Ronald Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse, and Recovering from Churches that Abuse.

the psychology of the cult experience – The New York Times

”In some respects the destructive effects of cult conversions amount to a new disease in an era of psychological manipulation.” Dr. John G. Clark Jr., professor of psychology at Harvard University Medical School.


People Magazine Investigates: Cults — Aggressive Christianity Missions — Maura Schmierer

—>Source: People Magazine Investigates: Cults — Aggressive Christianity Missions — Maura Schmierer

When a Narcissist “Gets Religion,” You Get Screwed! | Narcissism Meets Normalcy

—>Source: When a Narcissist “Gets Religion,” You Get Screwed! | Narcissism Meets Normalcy

Martha, AKA Philemon

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Martha Chavarria, AKA Philemon Jordan, joined ACMTC about a year before I left. She was the oldest of six siblings, and had studied architecture at  Cal Poly. After joining ACMTC she tried to convince her sisters to join, and when they didn’t, she told them she had to cut them off, and never see them again.

I remember her as a beautiful younger woman with a sweet, kind, caring heart, or soul, or spirit, or what ever you want to call her essence. Steve (my ex), AKA Philip Jordan, married her 6 months after I was kicked out on the street. I was the lucky one. 

I was told by one former member that early on in their marriage they had a baby girl, Hannah. Per same ex-member, Steve didn’t go to the hospital with Martha when she went into labor, because according to Deborah, Martha was already idolizing her child.

Years later Martha became ill, and per another former member who was there at the time, Martha at least once went to see a doctor while out selling bread, but when Deborah Green found out about it she shamed her in front of everyone. She wasn’t trusting God. Not good enough. Not seeking God enough. Or she had hidden sin. God’s discipline. 

So she died out there, and her body is buried on the Green’s God forsaken land, and at the foot of her grave is a sign that reads, “He whom the father loves he chastises.”  

Screen Shot 2018-06-08 at 2.22.31 PM             Julie, Sarah Green’s beautiful little boy, and Martha, AKA Philemon

Screen Shot 2018-08-28 at 9.15.37 AM           Martha’s grave.Screen Shot 2018-06-12 at 7.28.51 PM

Deborah’s eyes

Look into her eyes. She made us feel like she could see right through us, into our souls, things we couldn’t ourselves see. She’d be outside hanging wet clothes on the line having conversations with God, and he’d tell her what’s in people’s hearts. She’d say things about me and others that we knew weren’t true, but we’d believe her anyway. She had that kind of power over us. She had, we thought, the mind of God. Cross her and you were on the wrong side.Screen Shot 2018-06-08 at 9.51.51 AM
This is the look she gave me when she opened up the door to my timid knock on the citadel’s back door. I stood there on week, rubbery legs. This was the eve she announced before all of us that “God’s judgment was coming, and “judgment begins in the house of God.” I suspected it was me, not because I was fornicating, or lusting after other men as they say, but because I’d been repeatedly told by Steve and Lila and now Jim too that I “leaned on my own understanding,” and I “put my children before God.” I wasn’t “disciplining” them as I ought (with Steve’s leather belt). And, “this is not a family church, this is God’s Army.” This is “where soldiers are made.” I hadn’t sacrificed enough, hadn’t denied myself enough. Everybody, especially my children and my spouse, and anything that meant anything to me was suspect of being an idol before god. Yeah, crazy shit.

Deborah’s vision

Deborah’s vision, copied from ACMTC’s website. Prophetic? Why do so many cult leaders glorify suffering for God?Screen Shot 2018-08-08 at 9.29.21 AM

how much they hate me


Below: MS is Maura Schmierer, Bob B. is my CA attorney Bob Blasier, and Rick R. is cult expert Rick Ross.

From ACMTC’s Website
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who’re the real character assassins?

From ACMTC’s website:Screen Shot 2018-06-06 at 4.51.00 PM



THIS IS CALLED GASLIGHTING. What they say of me and others is true of them. They’re the real liars, tyrants and terrorists. And what they call persecution, we call being held accountable


Plato’s dream cave world

Screen Shot 2018-05-30 at 9.06.01 PM   Jon Kabat-Zinn