excommunication was a scary but fortunate thing

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Excommunication was the best thing that ever could have happened to me, it got me and later my children out of there.

I didn’t feel fortunate at the time, of course—I felt like I was being dangled over hell. Declared “forsaken by God” by Lila Green, god’s prophet, overnight I became the enemy in an ever unfolding plot.

I didn’t feel evil. I understood little at the time. At times I questioned the sanity of my reality, yes, but ironically, I was a good soldier—I knew how to guard against, to stop my own thoughts, my conscience. Every doubt I rebuked, “get behind me Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ.”

I thought it was a test, that God wanted to for some reason see just how low I’d sink to prove my love for him. How much would I suffer? How bad would I feel? How rid of myself would I become? Self-denigration was a constant thread within ACMTC, and in my mind.

I’d suffer anything for God, but at some point less out of love for him, and more out of FEAR. Why’d he pick me to play this role? I was labled rebelious, but I felt humble and broken inside. I questioned why God gave me this Judas-like role to play, but who was I to question God?

I felt shut in.images-32